Diary of an aid worker

We wanted to share with you a personal account from our colleague at World Vision Philippines, Yheleen Veso. Since Typhoon Haiyan swept across the centre cluster of Filipino islands, she has been playing a vital role in writing international grant proposals applying for funding to support World Vision’s emergency response across the Philippines.

By Yheleen Veso, Transformational Development, World Vision Philippines.

Today was the first day I cried hard for Typhoon Haiyan survivors. I realised, with the busyness of the last few days, I haven’t really mourned for the great loss our country has experienced.

After Haiyan’s landfall, the past days had been very busy with World Vision. Faced with the huge task of responding to the needs of those who survived the country’s worst disaster, we immediately focused on the relief operation. Hundreds of staff (local and international) were deployed to do the things we are trained to do. Since I haven’t fully recovered from an operation, for health reasons, I needed to remain office-based, and so I willingly took on the task of programming.

Praying for guidance and wisdom, I ask for help to put God’s gift of writing into productive action. With our global colleagues, we wrote grant proposals day and night, requesting aid agencies and international governments to help us with our massive response. The love and support is overwhelming. And so finally today, after the initial primary actions were done, we were able to have a breather. Many of those in the Quezon City office flew to Visayas to support our colleagues on the ground.

And then, I found myself alone in the office. The tears began to flow, and flow, and flow, and flow. I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I was sobbing. I was trembling. All of the devastation and destruction I have seen in photos and videos or heard about in stories and reports, on the news, from the National Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council (NDRRMC), from the UN and from my colleagues on the ground, got to me. The people in these reports are not just data. They are not just numbers. They are not just statistics. They have faces. They have lives. They have families. They are real!
I have been to these places. I have made friends there. I have visited the communities, talked to people, listened to them and learned with them. With a heavy heart, I wonder where they are now. Did they make it alive? Did they lose loved ones? Do they have food or water? Where are they sleeping? Are they even safe? I painfully thought of these things. I was mourning, I still am.

I am no stranger to disasters. In my 9 years with World Vision, I have helped in 12 relief operations all over the country. But every disaster brings new pain. I will never be immune to that. No human can ever be.

Then, I thought of my co-workers in the field. I’m sure their hearts are hurting, much, much more than mine. They are witnessing firsthand what is happening on the ground. I wonder how they are holding on. I remember Ella; she was there in Tacloban when the typhoon made its landfall. She witnessed the death of many. I remember Mai who walked 8 hours amidst the devastation to get vital information on ground zero. I remember Aivon, Aaron and the Bohol team who were currently serving those affected by the strong quake. They surely felt the people’s fear and worry. I remember Ate Erna in Capiz whose house was severely damaged. I remember many others who are in the middle of all these things, tirelessly trying to do their best to bring help.

And then, I remember the survivors themselves. I could not imagine what they are going through. Their hearts, minds and bodies must be too tired of fighting for survival every day. I can only cry for them. I pray that with the things we are doing, somehow, we will be able to lessen their suffering.

Crying is healing too and I am thankful I did just that today. Tomorrow will be another day. With a stronger heart and a stronger purpose, we will gather our strength and move forward. God, help us.