"I Don't Know If I Can Do This"

Duncan is one of three World Vision UK staff running the Milton Keynes Marathon on Monday as well as the 6 staff running the half-marathon on the same day. Here, he explains why he opted to do it, and what has motivated him to keep pounding out the miles.

By Duncan Proctor,  Marketing Coordinator, World Vision UK

It’s the first time in years where I’ve signed up for something and thought: “I don’t know if I can do this.

That feeling of doubt and nervousness when Charlotte (our fundraising specialist at World Vision) said to me: “You’re doing the marathon, aren’t you Duncan?” I still feel it now. I’m not sure if I can do this.

I’ve never run a marathon before. A quick Google search tells me that in running a marathon I’ll take more than 30,000 steps. Can I really move my legs that many times without stopping?

You wouldn’t know that I’ve been doubting myself. I’ve been bigging it up around the office and with my friends, telling everyone that I’m going to beat Justin (our Chief Executive). And most people’s response is: “Yes – but are you going to beat Abu?”

It’s a good question. Abu, an Ethiopian, is a former sponsored child who has just joined our staff here at World Vision UK. He ran the Cardiff half marathon barefoot a few months ago. Anyone who can carry on running while their feet are bleeding has got to be pretty tough. But of course I’m going to beat him as well, aren’t I?

Although it makes for great banter around the office, the reason why I’m running the marathon isn’t to beat the other World Vision runners. So why am I running? Initially the reason was just because Charlotte asked me to, and because I quite like running. But that was never going to be motivation enough when it came to doing a twenty-one mile training run.

As I thought about it, and as I started training and fundraising, things started to change. The prospect of running twenty-six miles on May 5th becomes more intimidating as it gets closer and closer, but on reflection the worst it can be is three or four hours of suffering. Meanwhile, thousands upon thousands of Syrian children are suffering every day – going hungry, missing out on school, or separated from parents or siblings.

Even though I work at World Vision, I often find myself feeling disconnected from this overwhelming problem. I’ve never been to Syria. As far as I know, I’ve never even met someone from Syria. When people say a million Syrian children are living as refugees, I know it’s a terrible situation. I know I’m supposed to feel bad and want to do something about it. And sometimes I do. But other times it just washes over me because it’s difficult to understand or imagine, and it’s far away, and I have my own problems to think about.

Thinking back to when I first watched World Vision’s video of Syrian children talking about what peace means to them, I remember that I cried. When asked about what peace means to him, one little boy says: “When my Dad gave me my bike and I played with it. But now they have stolen it from me. I will feel peaceful when I go back to Syria.”

In another video, brothers Kameron and Amir say: “We were strongly affected by what happened to our parents. We love them, and they used to love us back.”

Watching these videos again, I feel the same way as before. I can hear the emotion in these children’s voices, and I can see the hurt and pain in their eyes. When one boy says “I just want to go back to my country and to my school and my friends”, I realise that is exactly how I would have felt. When I was his age, that’s what I would have missed: playing football in the playground at lunchtime with my friends.

Since I’ve been training for the marathon, I’ve found myself thinking about Syria every day. But I’m not thinking about the numbers. I’m thinking about the memories and hopes of these children. “When my Dad gave me my bike and I played with it. But now they have stolen it from me. I will feel peaceful when I go back to Syria.” These are the words that motivate me to run.

You can sponser Duncan by visiting his JustGiving page. Show your support for Team World Vision and Team Duncan by leaving your messages of encouragment, prayers for success and motivational words below.